My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
