Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
