we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
