they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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