What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
