if you like me you must not know who I am
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
