my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
