I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
