I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
