Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
