kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Two words: nipple clamps
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