At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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