Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
