Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
