Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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