I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My balls are so social today.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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