Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
