I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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