Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
