I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
