just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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