So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
