I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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