Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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