We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This house was built for laser tag.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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