Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
