Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
