New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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