I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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