Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
