I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
