his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
