:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
