I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
