why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
