Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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