You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
