I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
