Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
