p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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