Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
