i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am naked and annoyed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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