Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
