Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
