I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
