I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
