on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
