he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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