is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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