Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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